Thursday, January 7, 2010

Something Worth Fighting For... <3

So many time I look back on my life and I wonder why the things that happen to me did.. but then I look in front of me at the one that God so wonderfully created just for me, it suddenly all makes perfect since... When I share my story with people.. they shake their heads and say, "I don't know how you do it.. I know I couldn't!" But when I think of what has come out of what happened in the past two years.. I can't help but praise God for his goodness in my life. He has given me so much!

Ethan and I met at Emanuel Baptist Church when I was 7 and he was 8. I must say that he is AL OT different now then he was when we were kids playing tag outside after church. He was crazy about me, and I could not stand him! ha! So we seen each other around places. He always tells me the story about when he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was like.. " I donno :)" and ran away. He said he just sat their like a lost little puppie the rest of the night. lol He even remembers what I was wearing and everything! I don't remember that much about it.

I did not see him again till I was in 9Th grade when I went to his church ( not knowing he went there) I was there to sing. Well he came up after church and asked me for my number, so I gave it to him. I never did hear from him after I gave it to him, come to find ... he sat his phone on top of the car and a bus ran over it and he lost my number! lol

So 3 years go by here I am a junior in high school.. The past year I had went through so pretty harsh stuff and I was just getting past it all. I had to change everything about my life. I am talking my school, church, and friends. Everything that could change... well it changed for me... I went through a very dark dark time in my life and I felt so trapped and alone. I was dating a guy who I thought I knew... turns out you really don't know who people are till you make them mad.. I remember crying scared to death that I would not be able to get out of this relationship because he had some anger problems and I thought for sure he would take them out on me. Finally I got up the courage to break it off.. At this point I was done with guys! I was not ever gonna date a soul again! Then I ran into a friend and she wanted to hook me up with this guy she knew.. so Leah goes on a blind date! lol Well we talked for a good while then we started dating. We were pretty serious... but I knew something just was not right, it was just this feeling I had deep down inside. I could not image why I felt this way.. he was such a nice guy and he treated me like a princess. But it was always playing in the back on my mind. It became more and more on my mind till one Wednesday I was sitting in chapel listening to this guest speaker and it was like God talking to me! I just started crying because I knew God was telling me to end it but I knew he would not understand and it would kill him and me! Well I tried to go on the rest of the day and try not to think about it, so when my mom picked me up from school its like God told her what was going on or something because we were just going down the road and she randomly says, " Leah, do you really think he is the person you are supposed to be with?" I just lost it right then and there. I knew that the guest chapel speaker's message was not by chance nor was that car ride home... I knew it was what God wanted for my life but I just didn't know how I was gonna handle it!

So I go home and go straight to my room. I sit down on my bed and start to cry and start to pray and I told God that if this is really what he wants for my life I am willing to do this but I have been through so much already I can not handle the pain anymore. I just could not bare to hurt anymore. I was so tired of hurting and searching for the one he had made just for me, so if he really wanted me to break it off... then I would but he was gonna have to send me the right one because I could not do this anymore! So I got up and laid in my bed and suddenly my phone rings. I answer the phone and Ethan is on the other end!!!!

There was a revival going on at my sister's church. And she sang in the youth choir. Well she got up to sing and Ethan seen her so as soon as church was over he rushed over to her and was like " How is Leah??!!" My sister didn't even know who he was cause he had grown up so much so she was like, " Um... Good?" So they got to talking and he asked her for my number, in the mean time. My mom had made her way over the see Ethan's mom to catch up. So Ethan walks up to my mom and was like, " Are you Leah's mom?" and she said, " Why yes I am! who are you?" Ethan's mom says," O that's my son Ethan!" My mom's mouth hit the floor. lol I will never forget that night. I did not get to go that night because I had a project to work on so I was sitting on my bed doing my project when my mom creeps in my room and shuts the door and says," Leah!!! I met the most handsome young man tonight! And he asked about you!!!You have got to meet him!!!" I was looking at my mom as if it where a joke! I said, " mom come on I have a boyfriend! lol I guess it is just a motherly instinct or something lol So that is how Ethan got my number to call me.

So we caught up on everything that we have missed in the past. We laughed as we talked about our childhood memories. How he was my first hug :) lol and how he bought me pixy sticks the whole week at camp ;) so many sweet memories we will share with our kids one day :) But anyways back to the story, so we are just catching up and stuff and I asked him if he had a girlfriend, he has yes that they had been dating 3 years. then I could hear in this voice that he was trying not to cry, so I asked him what was wrong, he told me he did not know how much longer they where going to be together because he felt like God did not want him to be with her. You will never understand the shock and peace that flooded my entire body at that very moment... I said" Ethan, are you joking?!" I seriously thought someone had told him how I was going to break up with my boyfriend for that and he was making fun of me... but he knew nothing about it! I knew God had a very special plan for us when I heard him say that.

So we decided to meet up at the revival and see each other for the first time in 3 years. I was so nervous! I remember my aunt telling me that before I got there that she was watching Ethan and she said he would not take his eyes off the door. lol So I took my seat with my friends and I will never forget I heard my name so I looked up and there stood Ethan! And he does not just say " hey its Ethan" he has to bring out this cheesy pick up line so he sits down next to me and says " Hey do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Enough to break the ice hey my name is Ethan" I just looked at him and shook my head and laughed. I fell in love right then :)

We continued going to revival when we could, and we both grew so much and got so much help there. In the mean time, We both ended it with our boyfriend\ girlfriend. It was very hard but we both had such peace in our hearts that if God takes it aways its only to give us something much better! God had his hand in our lives all along! So we both kept going on our on and we talked but did not want to date right away because we did not want our x's to think we broke up with them for us... because we did it because that is what God wanted for our lives! So we waited for about two months before we started dating.

So on April 1, 2009 He and I started dating! :) It was defiantly very hard for us at first. We spent two wonderful months together before he left to go with the Army. I did not see him for 3 months. Then me and my daddy flew out to Oklahoma to see him for two days. :) Ah that was priceless! Then he was moved to Texas and has been there ever since August. When I think about the fact that we have been apart longer than we have been together I get discouraged, but then I remember that he is serving our country. And he loves what he does. I know he hates being away from his family and friends but freedom is not free. I love him and I am willing to go days on end without talking to him and going half a year without him here. Yes I miss going on dates with him and his showing up at my house without me knowing he is coming and riding in the car singing to the top of our lungs and going to church together and reading our Bibles together and praying together and crying together and cuddling on the couch and watching movies together and going camping and taking random trips to get me something to drink and all the little things we got to do... But I love him more today than I did yesterday. And I will find myself loving him tomorrow more than I did today.

People always say you don't know what you have till you lose it, but I think you dont know what you have been missing till it arrives. When I think back to when Ethan and I first started talking about dating I told him I did not think we should date till he came home because I just did not think I could do the long distance thing... Little did I know... Love makes you do things that in yourself you could never do. So when people ask me how I do it I just tell them that God put us together and will keep us together and when you really love someone there is nothing on earth that can break that bond. Distance. Seperation. Death. Nothing.

I thank God for putting such a good christian guy in my life. I love him more than anything in this world. I have gained so much this past year. I found my soul mate and my best friend. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him! :) God has been so good to me!!! So all those heart breaks and tears are truly worth it in the end. Life is what you make it. So if you are reading this and you are somehow finding yourself not knowing where to go or who to turn to... Run to God and let him lead the way because He will never lead you wrong and will fill your heart with so much love and your life with so much happiniess! :)


Leah :)